What Does a Reviewer Do When He Can’t Preview a Movie? Interview a 10-Year Old, of Course!

June 11, 2015 — by The Social Clymer



What Does a Reviewer Do When He Can’t Preview a Movie? Interview a 10-Year Old, of Course!

June 11, 2015 — by The Social Clymer

In the interest of complete transparency, I'm writing this post while totally thinking about how to steal this idea for use here at the Social Clymer. Yes, I'm a selfish ass. I'm owning it.

Yesterday, Alex Falcone of Portland, Oregon’s Willamette Week was supposed to have a review of Jurassic World for his readers.

Unfortunately, the studio screened the movie after his publication needed his column. Not one to miss a deadline, apparently, Falcone knew he needed to submit a story. Of course, he did the next best thing – he interviewed a 10-year old about dinosaurs.

Una, the interviewee, was an acquaintance of Falcone’s after he did a radio show with her father. As you can see, Una was not all that impressed by the experience:

Alex: Hi, Una. Do you remember me? We met when your dad and I were on a radio show together. You and I ate doughnuts backstage.

Una: Ummm.

Alex: There was a dog there.

Una: Oh yeah! I don’t remember you, but I know there were people there.

Like me, you’re probably starting to realize that Una is a special little girl. She’s not just special because of her candor and self-assuredness, it’s her love of all things scary that sets her apart. (Being the father of a precocious 10-year old that would be scarred for life by many of the things that Una loves, I feel I can speak with a certain amount of authority.)

Falcone asks her a bit about the movie. She doesn’t seem to be too scared of the premise or impressed by the idea of the earlier films because “they weren’t as good quality because they were made a long time ago.” [DAGGER] She’s particularly excited about the potential scariness of the new mutated dinosaur, although she has some strong feelings about the idea.

Una: Because there’s this new mutated dinosaur, and he’s really intense. There’s a scene where he’s behind a door and they’re trying not to breathe. Those kinds of scenes are very suspenseful.

Alex: Is mutating dinosaurs a good idea?

Una: No! It’s such a stupid idea. That’s like combining Loki and the Hulk. It would be so scary. Or like combining a spider and Annabelle, the creepy doll from that one movie. Then you’d have Annabelle with eight legs.

Alex: Jesus, yeah. Yuck.

Loki? Hulk? Now she’s starting to make sense. I like where her head’s at.

But, just when Falcone starts to relate, Una throws another big helping of blaise at him. Not cool, especially after a guy confesses his own fears!

Alex: Really? When I was 10, I saw Jurassic Park. It really scared me, and I think that’s because I lived on the second floor, so a dinosaur could just poke through the wall and eat me because he was already that tall.

Una: [Unimpressed] I guess that’s reasonable.

Alex: You don’t seem scared of that.

Una: Well, my dad and I live in a pretty small house, so they’d probably just walk by and not notice us.

Ok, so I guess that make’s sense. But here’s the part of the interview that I think really sets Una apart from all of the 10-year olds that I know.

Alex: Does your dad like scary things, too?

Una: Kinda. I guess I’m braver than my dad.

Alex: Does he just let you watch all these scary movies?

Una: He won’t let me watch Human Centipede, but besides that.

Alex: Oh my God, Una. He’s right. You don’t want to see that. But the thing that scared me the most in the original Jurassic Park is this terrifying scene with these kids in the kitchen getting chased by raptors. What would you do in that situation?

Una: Hmmm…I would probably grab my dad’s really big knife and then turn the kitchen into a murder scene and then run away as fast as possible.

Alex: Really? You’d fight the raptors? That would never have occurred to me.

Una: But if I didn’t fight them, then they would just go kill everybody else.

Parents. Seriously. If there is even the discussion of allowing a child to watch Human Centipede in your house, then that isn’t going to be the last really awkward conversation you’re going to have.

Now that’s out of the way, I must say – I love the guts on this kid! She’s ready to grab a weapon and take on the scary dinosaurs. She’s not doing it because it’s fun or cool. She’s doing it because it would save other people. Somebody order this kid a cape right now.

Did I go to far with the trailer? I think I may have gone to far, there. Didn’t I?

Anyway, I do have to agree with the conclusion to Falcone’s interview.

Alex: You are the coolest person I’ve ever met.

Una: OK.

I can’t think of a better way to think about this movie than through the eyes of a child. It’s that childlike wonder that makes movies like Jurassic Park, Jurassic World, and basically every other movie I’ve ever loved or will love, special!

Be sure to head over the the Willamette Week to see the entire inteview and let Alex and Una know what you think..

Stay tuned here at Social Clymer as I try to find ways to bring similar reporting from this special audience to life in new ways.


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